Current Mood: Angst
Current Music: The War Inside by Switchfoot
You know how sometimes you know something's not right, but you try to ignore it in hopes that it will go away? But it doesn't go away? And it kind of just gnaws at you slowly, until one day you're just a pile of ravaged flesh?
No?
That's...kind of how I feel. Maybe not that intense, I don't know.
Let me say this: I love my WiP intensely. Ridiculously. I have 48k and even though it's the hardest thing I've ever written and I don't know what I'm doing, I'm completely in love with it and I BELIEVE in it. So, so much.
Except. What I have on paper isn't my WiP. It's ragged shadow of my WiP. It's an ugly, writhing ghost of my WiP. It's an impostor. And I know, I KNOW that drafts are supposed to be like that. My first novel was like that. But this is not only ugly, it's totally, completely, utterly wrong. After angsting over it for weeks and weeks, trying to fill the plot holes, having major character revelations, realizing that wow this entire thing needs to be changed, I'm...starting over.
Yes, I know I could have tried to finish and then go back to rewrite, but honestly, I don't want to do that. I know that I'll finish this, so it's not a matter of pushing through just so I can finish the draft. The draft WILL get done, but it's a matter of what kind of draft I want to have. Do I WANT a draft that's so far from my story that I'll have to rewrite the entire thing at least once, probably more? Not really. And aren't I kind of already doing that, since I've already written 48k? I need a draft that resembles the story in my head, especially with all the recent changes. I can't continue the way I am if I want that.
Yes, I think I'll be able to salvage some of that 48k, but for the most part, my timeline is out the window. I'll need to make a new one and accept the fact that no, this probably won't be done by the beginning of Summer anymore.
But it will be better. I'll be happier. And one day the book in my head will all be written down and I'll get to love love love it as actual words, not just a vision. That's what I'm looking forward to, and that's what's keeping me going.
You can do it! Don't get discouraged! (Though it's totes fine to be frustrated as long as you work through it). And just think how pretty it will be after you've finished! *cheerleads from the sideline*
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I'm trying to stay positive about it. I can. not. wait. until it's pretty!
DeleteI'm in a similar position - I started out on my WiP back in November (yes, for NaNo), and my writing really improved as I got in to my rhythm. My first chapter is about a third as long as my later chapters. I've forgotten whole parts of my worldbuilding. I can't think of a better opening. But still… whenever I try to work on it and write more I get drawn in to editing the first chapter. Again.
ReplyDeleteWhen I finish it, I know I'll love it - but is this the WiP that should be in progress? I've got 31K words, and dread having to rewrite it. I'd like a different voice (any why am I not Patrick Rothfuss?)… What to do!
Still, for both of us pushing on blindly is surely a bit daft. We're committed to writing, so why write on shaky foundations? Have no fear, you'll get there.
Thank you, you'll get there, too! It's hard to decide when to scrap everything and start over. Sometimes it's best to keep going...sometimes not. Good luck with everything!
DeleteSometimes, you just have to tear it down and start over. The key is knowing when that is. Sounds like a decision you are at peace with, despite the angst, which means it's the right choice. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI was trying to avoid it for as long as possible, but I really am at peace with the decision now. Or maybe I'm just in denial :) But I know its' the right choice regardless!
DeleteGO FOR IT! all those words that you have written aren't in any way wasted words. You NEEDED them to know your story and your characters and the voice.... now this new version of your story will be a thousand times better because of them :)
ReplyDeleteAhhh thank you. It's HARD not to feel like I just wasted 3 months on words I'm only throwing out. But you're totally right, I did need to write them. I wouldn't have been able to see my story the way I do now three months ago. It had to be done, and now this has to be done. I'm excited for the story to be better :)
DeleteI agree with Cristina. You needed that first version. It was a way of working out the kinks. The next time will go by faster and smoother.
ReplyDeleteI love The War Inside! My kids love it. Switchfoot is one of my favorite bands. I've been so see them live twice and a little pre-show once.
Oh my, such a lot of work! Writing, editing, re-writing, editing, writing, editing, editing, it seems to go on forever! But at least you know one day it will work out. Good job and keep going!
ReplyDelete~Aidyl
www.aidylewoh.blogspot.com
That is super brave of you. YOU GO GIRL!
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with some of the other comments. You know your characters better now (what you want them to be or what you DON'T want them to be.)
I wrote about 15,000 words of my current WIP (the beginning) that I completely deleted, used none of it. But I had all that back story in my head. So it helped.
Course it was 50,000 words. :) Good luck!
starting all over actually gives you a clearer picture. rethinking what you've done before would give you more opportunities to play around. it's just frustrating that you have to start all over, but it's just like revising something, only with a clearer, more aggressive, more directed mind.
ReplyDelete