Thursday Things

Happy Thursday! Seriously...one day closer to the weekend. I don't know about you, but this week is DRAGGING for me. Working in an office is hard, you guys! How do you do it?!

Anyway, some things for this fine Thursday.

1. The rewrite. Oh, the rewrite. About two weeks ago I made the decision to scrap my WiP and start over. I'm hoping to have 15k done by the end of the month, but I can already tell that it was the right decision. It's the same but slightly different, and better. The beginning will have to be rewritten again during revisions, but I won't even think about that right now. I'm excited to start writing the really new parts that made me want to rewrite in the first place :)

2. I've finally, FINALLY started working out again. Wooooo! Okay, don't be too impressed, it's only a 20 minute kickboxing video 5 days a week. BUT STILL. I'm getting all kinds of crazy now, what with working in the office again AND doing some sort of physical activity! It's a seriously good workout and I can already see a smidge of a difference! Crunches also help. Abs, I WILL have you again!

3. I'm rereading The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater. I just couldn't help myself. I started reading another book, got through two chapters, and had to stop so I could visit Thisby again. Her writing style is just my favorite. If you haven't read The Scorpio Races yet, I highly recommend it!

4. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but our new apartment doesn't have a dishwasher. As in, I must HAND WASH all of our dishes. I will never, ever, ever take a dishwasher for granted again. But on the bright side, all that time with my hands pruning in hot water and suds is good novel brainstorming time! Right? Right??

5. I am obsessed with candles lately. Especially Yankee Candles. Though they are a ripoff, I will gladly shell out my money for the scent of Kitchen Spice wafting around the house!

6. This is my favorite song of the week, possibly the month. Makes me want to write a book about boys :)

It's Always, Always About The Writing

The writing itself is work. Hard, long work. Stop and go. Stop and go. There is no glamour in sweatpants and headaches and half-filled cups of coffee. No triumph in e-mail and twitter and blog checking. There is no power in procrastination. When the words are not coming, when the inspiration isn't there, when you'd rather be doing anything else.

Desk. Computer. Time slipping by while you bury your head in your hands, thinking this will never work.

Couch. Laptop. Time slipping by while you type, type, type. Read, delete. Type again.

Pen. Paper. Time slipping by while you scribble incoherently, hoping, hoping, hoping that you're getting it right.

The writing itself is work. But the moment your vision is realized on paper, the perfect word to convey the perfect meaning, plot points coming together like magic, the thrill of a character coming to life, getting lost in the world...you remember why it's all worth it. Why the doubt and stress give way to hope. Why the long, hard hours are also the most fulfilling. Writing lives in our souls, pumps through our hearts and flows from our fingers. It gives us something to yearn for and hope for and dream for and strive for.

Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in The Other Side. I fall victim to this all the time, and honestly, it's silly. I haven't even queried yet--I'm not even close to it!--and I want to throw up when I think of my Dream Agent. I get jealous when I see people getting book deals. Yes, that's The Dream, that's what I'm working toward, that's what we're all working toward, but it all comes back to writing. Unagented, Agented, Published...it's all about the writing. That's what the focus should be on, always. It's where it starts and where it ends and will be there through the whole journey. If there were ever a time to linger, to learn, to explore and discover our style/voice/process, it's now. I'm talking to myself here, but maybe some of you can relate. Sometimes I just want to get the writing over with so I can do the NEXT THING...but even on The Other Side, the writing itself will still be the next thing.

So, I'm challenging myself to stop focusing so much on what happens after I finish New Novel and save that energy for writing it. To revel in the process, sweatpants, headaches, procrastination and all.

Guys, I'm excited. Writing is awesome.

Non-Writerly Friends, A Conversation

Here is a paraphrase of an actual conversation I had with an actual Non-Writerly Friend.

Me: Yum, dinner was delish. So glad we were able to get together!

Non-Writerly Friend (NWF): Me, too! Wanna go get some coffee somewhere?

Me: *checks watch, sees that it's 9:30pm* Um, actually, I need to get home.

NWF: Why??

Me: Um. You know that book I told you about? The one I'm writing...?

NWF: Oh, yeah....

Me: Well, I need to write it.

NWF: *stares* What?

Me: Yeah, this is my only writing time.

NWF: Oh. *pause* Just skip it tonight.

Me: *laughs* I would, but I can't. I get kind of upset if I don't reach my daily goals.

NWF: (???)

Me: Um, like a To-Do list, sort of.

NWF: (???) Coffee?

Me: Sorry, next week?

NWF: I don't want to go home yet!

Me: Oh. Um...

NWF: (???)

Me: (!!!)

NWF: (???)

Me: (!!!)

NWF: *stares* *blinks* Fine, I guess I won't FORCE you...

Me: *laughs* Sorry, it's late anyway.

NWF: Not really. You used to stay out with me!

Me: Yeahhhh. I just...*struggles for words*

NWF: (???)

Me: ...like...to write...now. *checks watch* *feels anti-social*

NWF: Fine. *sighs* *stares*

Me: *stares* *smiles* Okay, well, goodnight!

NWF: *pouts* Goodnight.

*hug* *awkward wave*

/end convo

I adore my non-writerly friends to pieces, but sometimes...they just don't get it. :)

I love you, writerly friends!<333

A Tough Decision

Current Mood: Angst

Current Music: The War Inside by Switchfoot

You know how sometimes you know something's not right, but you try to ignore it in hopes that it will go away? But it doesn't go away? And it kind of just gnaws at you slowly, until one day you're just a pile of ravaged flesh?

No?

That's...kind of how I feel. Maybe not that intense, I don't know.

Let me say this: I love my WiP intensely. Ridiculously. I have 48k and even though it's the hardest thing I've ever written and I don't know what I'm doing, I'm completely in love with it and I BELIEVE in it. So, so much.

Except. What I have on paper isn't my WiP. It's ragged shadow of my WiP. It's an ugly, writhing ghost of my WiP. It's an impostor. And I know, I KNOW that drafts are supposed to be like that. My first novel was like that. But this is not only ugly, it's totally, completely, utterly wrong. After angsting over it for weeks and weeks, trying to fill the plot holes, having major character revelations, realizing that wow this entire thing needs to be changed, I'm...starting over.

Yes, I know I could have tried to finish and then go back to rewrite, but honestly, I don't want to do that. I know that I'll finish this, so it's not a matter of pushing through just so I can finish the draft. The draft WILL get done, but it's a matter of what kind of draft I want to have. Do I WANT a draft that's so far from my story that I'll have to rewrite the entire thing at least once, probably more? Not really. And aren't I kind of already doing that, since I've already written 48k? I need a draft that resembles the story in my head, especially with all the recent changes. I can't continue the way I am if I want that.

Yes, I think I'll be able to salvage some of that 48k, but for the most part, my timeline is out the window. I'll need to make a new one and accept the fact that no, this probably won't be done by the beginning of Summer anymore.

But it will be better. I'll be happier. And one day the book in my head will all be written down and I'll get to love love love it as actual words, not just a vision. That's what I'm looking forward to, and that's what's keeping me going.

Belated March Books

My monthly goal is to read at least two books. I've been averaging more than that, except last month I only got the two in because it was hectic. Anyway, I absolutely ADORED both books.

The first was Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver.

I have to admit, I didn't think I'd like this book. It's an interesting mix of contemporary and...I don't know...paranormal, I guess? But it definitely reads like a contemporary, which isn't usually my cup of tea. (I did, however, love this book.) The protag, Sam, is easy to dislike (at first) but extremely believable, and knowing what was coming at the end was kind of heartbreaking, because by the time the end came you were like, "Nooooo!". Mostly because of Kent. Oh, Kent<3 Yeah, sorry for being vague, but I don't want to give anything away if you haven't read it :)

This is a book I wish I could have read in high school. The bullying is so authentic, and Lauren gets the point across without being preachy. I like to think it would have changed the way I thought about people in high school.

Random fact: The protag and her friends always get the same coffee from Dunkin' Donuts every morning--hazelnut with extra cream--and after reading that I decided to try it. OMG, so good. I get it every day now! Do books ever make you try something new like that?


The second book I read was Divergent by Veronica Roth.

I will describe this book in three words: Holy world building!

I love books that can transport me to another place that feels so real, I almost believe it exists after I put the book down. This was that kind of book.

It took me a few chapters to really get into it, but once I was in, I was IN. I loved that Tris renamed herself. I loved seeing her transform. I loved the whole Dauntless atmosphere, even though it was scary. And I loooved Four<3! But that's a give-in, isn't it?

I'm super excited for Insurgent!





Have any of you read these books? What did you think?

Crazyness

Hello dear readers! Sorry for my lack of posting lately. It's been a bit crazy around here.

The Husband and I moved, and this week I started working in the office again after 3 years of working from home. Needless to say, it's been an adjustment--and still IS an adjustment. I'm trying to get into a routine and fit everything into my day that I usually do. It's been hard. Mainly because I'm actually out in society now and not sitting on my butt in sweatpants all day.

Heh.

I know I'll get the hang of it soon, but it's definitely frustrating not being as productive as usual. I'm trying not to get too down on myself though, because really, it's a HUGE change for me and I know it'll take some getting used to. Hopefully I'll be back to Getting Stuff Done by the end of the week. Or I might go crazy.

(On a TOTALLY unrelated note, I've been on hold for 43 minutes and it's 11:36pm. Why is LivingSocial so busy at this hour?! And wow, I just realized that if you don't know what LivingSocial is, you probably think I'm calling one of those weird hotlines to talk to random people. NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'M CALLING!)

(On another unrelated note, I've started watching Downton Abbey after seeing everyone talk about it. I'm only on episode 5, but I think it's fantastic so far! Have any of you watched it?)

Anyway, I adore all of you and will still try to comment on your blogs this week! Send me some energy and routine-making vibes so I can get back to normal! :)